CSL

"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory


Last night, after leaving an amazing night at club where I grumbled slightly at the facts that (a) God had not created me to be a rock star, though my heart deeply wishes I could belt one out like the Martinas, the Sarahs, the Whitneys and the Celines, and (b) along with point a, that life is not a musical, and Troy Bolton will not be showing up in a tux in a tree to give me flowers and tell me that "his prom is wherever I am", I proceeded, in the torrential rain, to the nearest Barnes and Noble, only to get soaked as I attempted to get my umbrella from the trunk of my car and enter the fine literary establishment whose fire alarm was going off at deafening decibels.

However, any moderate reader would know that once inside, an endless array of opportunity awaits. So I picked up my own copy of The Weight of Glory, as well as a brand new journal (which I have found is one of the most therapeutic times I enjoy once every few months), and made my way back home.

What a glorious night. Sitting in my bed, rain on my window, starting a new book from a noteworthy author that I was sure would not disappoint. Chapter 1, line 1: "If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues...". Bam. Thank you CSL. You rock.

I am far too easily pleased, and therefore in the same vein, far too easily disappointed. I, like the child, fool around with mud pies in the slums, forsaking the incredible vacation offered. And yet when I realize that I am dirty and my hands smell, I am disappointed that the mud had not been all that I had hoped. My desires are far too weak, running after money, success, relationship, recognition, and discarding the infinite joy, the ultimate pleasure, the complete righteousness and glory offered at His right hand.

Page 1. Awesome. Can't wait to see what pages 2-200 have yet to offer.

And ps...I love the term "holiday". When we were in Cancun in September, we met a few guys from London who stated they were in Mexico for a few weeks "on holiday". I have decided that vacation will be removed and holiday inserted into my natural, and perhaps daily, vocabulary. Just sounds so much cooler. Now here's to hoping that this fine institution that continues to employ me (thankful to have a job!) could find it in their hearts to grant me a holiday sometime soon!

Love y'all :)

Life

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. "

1Timothy 6:6-19

On Friday mornings I get the priviledge of hanging out with some of my favorite girls as we pull ourselves out of our warm beds and peaceful sleep and love on those we are called to love by serving breakfast at The Bridge. This morning in particular, Lauren, Jenn, and I were in the back: banana, nutrigrain bar, yogurt. Banana, nutrigrain bar, yogurt, and the occasional clumsy spill (ok, ok, not occasional. Jenn and I were incredibly klutzy this morning). As we were chatting while we worked, we suddenly heard one of the most strikingly powerful voices we had ever heard. One of the men had gotten on the microphone and began singing "How Great Thou Art". I think Jenn's words describe it far more accurately than I can...

"this morning when that man started singing, what was cold in my stomach and on my insides began to fill with warmth as he hit every note. it was one of the most beautiful sounds i have ever heard. it might not be because he was the best singer around, but you felt his heart in it, his desperation, and the words he was singing, you could tell that he believed them and needed them."

I followed that beautiful statement with a question to Jenn and Lauren that I knew was rhetorical for all of us:

Have you girls ever felt, especially when we go there, slightly envious of some of these people, in their incredible hunger, desperation, dependence on the Lord? I feel that way almost every time we leave, and ABSOLUTELY...hearing it in that man's voice this morning made it even more present. The toys and trinkets and things of this world draw my heart away from Him, and make the ability to have an insatiable hunger for the Lord seem nearly impossible. How crazy is this life, that this flesh of ours fights Him every moment He attempts to humble us and do a good work in us, yet His Spirit inside absolutely tugs on my heart for this kind of humility and passion.

Be reminded of who He is, the blessed and only Ruler, King of kings and Lord of lords...in whom life that is TRULY life.

So thankful for the women in my life. SO thankful :)

Which is worse, an economic or spiritual crisis?

Today at lunch I was reading David Daniels' blog, a former College Pastor of ECHO and now the Senior Pastor of Pantego Bible Church in Fort Worth, and came upon the most sobering website.

http://www.globalrichlist.com/index.php

Go. It WILL surprise you.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

Loving Autumn

As I walked out of my apartment this morning into the amazing 58 degree weather, I suddenly knew it was going to be a great day. Why you ask?? Because Autumn is finally on it's way (it sounds so much better calling it Autumn instead of Fall)! My favorite season. Here's all the reasons I LOVE Autumn:

1. The weather: duh. Living in Texas for 21 of the 23 years of my existence, this is definitely a no brainer. The movement from crazy hot and muggy temperatures to the coolness (dual meaning in that term) is wonderfully refreshing. Sit outside and read a book, go for a run in the afternoon. The opportunities expand.

2. Electricity: stemming off of numero uno, the amazing temperatures allow you to open your windows, enjoy the fresh air, and turn off that AC, thereby helping you save some extra cash for those Christmas presents (or that amazing dress at Anthropologie. Which one, you ask? All of them, obviously). To each his own...

3. The colors: Though I love the pastels and jewel-tones we find in spring, there is something fun about the transitions to deep reds, browns, and oranges. As we used to say in the lovely Caswell house, it makes everything "warm and inviting". (miss you girls!)

4. Football: All I must say is...."Hook 'em!". Done and done.

5. The clothes: as much as I enjoy fun summer dresses and tank tops, who can beat jeans, the cozy turtlenecks, crazy boots (peep-toe booties are in this season!), coats, scarves, all of it! Sure it takes up more room in the closet, and several items must be dry-cleaned due to the slight smell they contain coming out of the storage containers. But so worth it!

6. Fireplaces: So I could be a little premature on this one (probably more suited for a "Loving Winter" mentality), but shoot...Kara and I have already used the fireplace. Don't worry, only candles people. Just remember. Open the flue, or else smoke everyone out of your house (sorry Kaylita and Haybug).

7. Pumpkins: Everywhere! Dawning the doorstep, inviting people in, in pies, in bread, and most importantly at your local Starbucks in the form of a latte! Grab a cup of coffee, a good book or a great friend, and enjoy the several hours of bliss :)

8. Holiday season: Autumn marks the onset of the holidays. Old friends coming home from all over (LA, Europe, Colorado, Philly, even College Station!), spending time with family, a break from work, and increased sales...gotta love that retail!

Now by no means is this wonderful list of mine exhaustive, but they certainly highlight all the bliss that is associated with Autumn. So get out your scarves, grab a latte, and let's go play in the leaves!

Religulous

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/10/01/film.religulous.ap/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

I sure am a fan of articles, particularly those presented by cnn.com (not sure how this news source became my news of choice, but it is what it is).

Has anyone heard of this movie? The wonderfully anti-religious Bill Maher has decided to create a movie, or documentary rather, "challenging the validity and value of Christian, Jewish, and Islamic faiths". The interesting spin on this is that he has teamed up with director Larry Charles (yes, friends, Borat...) to make this film. Quite the duo I must say.

After reading this article, the incredibly feisty side of me (wait...Carly?? Feisty?? Heavens no!) wanted to go off on how frustrated this makes me, how Bill Maher has no intentions of making a documentary that has any intrinsic value but rather wished to elevate himself and raise some laughs through bias and blasphemy....and my frustrations could go on. Like I said: feisty.

But as I thought through the movie and would I be willing to go see it to understand what it was about, I couldn't help but be slightly sorrowful for not only the fact that there is so much disdain for the Lord and the truth of who He is and who we are because of that, but also that in fact there are millions of men and women that subscribe to the same ideas, not because they don't like what they find out about an all-knowing, merciful, compassionate, jealously-loving, sacrificial God, but because they don't like what they see in those that claim His name, both in His followers and the institutions they are a part of.

I think the final lines of the article are what grabbed me most: "Comedians have always made jokes about religion. It's a rich topic. I did when I was a young comedian, but they weren't jokes that got right to the essense of it, which is, this is dangerous and this is silly."

Interesting how many world views there are. As Christians, sure, we screw things up a lot. We claim the name of Christ and then turn around and gossip about our friends, or crusade after moral issues like abortion and homosexuality, completely forgetting that those are merely symptoms of a greater issue. But at the end of the day, we can all agree that there is something terribly wrong with this world. The dangerous part is not Christianity or Christians...though at times we absolutely mess up and make things worse. The dangerous and silly thing is not even in the truth we believe about the end result of life for those who do not believe (though we may believe this to be true, a good argument for the grace of Christ should not be "follow, or else reside in a firey pit for eternity"). The danger is living a life, earthly and eternally, apart from the One who created you, gave you life, sustains you, passionately wants you.

I know...probably going too far on just a movie. But Bill Maher is simply the spokesman for many others. This is our culture. These are the brothers and sisters that we are told to GO and baptize. What faith we need.... And I promise. I'll try to come up with a funny post next time. But let's be honest, I'm not that funny.

An Ode to Lil' Kim

Ok, so I must follow the other wonderful people that love this girl so much and give a lil' love to my lil' kim. Welcome to the world of 23, dear friend, where people no longer find out your age and continue to exclaim "You're so young!" or perhaps think of you as still some undergrad, immature college student. You are beginning to move into the age of maturity and wisdom, the prime of your life, which is really just a nice way of saying you're getting old. Don't worry though...because even though they say Asians age well, we don't want you to wrinkle prematurely...

I wish I could come up with a poem half as good as you, but instead you will have to be content with the inarticulate and non-poetic words of the Italian Stallion. Texas is not the same without you. Austin is not the same without you. Sno beach has a little less flavor with you gone. So hurry up with all that law schoolin, and come back down to the Texas Bar...and barbeque!

Miss you terribly. Happy 23rd Jamie, where the "i" is before the "m". Jamie, not Jaime.

What a Culture

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/26/o.divorce.dreams/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

Probably one of the most disturbing opinion articles I have ever read, and I guess it should come as no surprise that it came from Oprah (or should it? She is a spiritual woman, after all...)

For those of you who don't have the time, energy, or interest to read the whole thing, here is a general recap:

"I contemplate divorce every day. It tugs on my sleeve each morning when my husband, Will, greets me in his chipper, smug morning-person voice, because after 16 years of waking up together, he still hasn't quite pieced out that I'm not viable before 10 a.m."

"Mind you, when I say Mid-Wife Crisis, I mean the middle-of-married-life kind, not the kind where you go to Yale to learn how to legally brandish a birthing stool. As one girlfriend remarked, it's the age of rage -- a period of high irritation that lasts roughly one to two decades. As a colleague e-mailed me, it's the simmering underbelly of resentment, the 600-pound mosquito in the room. At a juncture where we thought we should have unearthed some modicum of certainty, we are turning into the Clash. If I go will there be trouble? If I stay will it be double? Should I stay or should I go?"

one of my favorites...
"We were groomed to think bigger and better -- achievement was our birthright -- so it's small surprise that our marriages are more freighted. Marriage and its cruel cohort, fidelity, are a lot to expect from anyone, much less from swift-flying us. Would we agree to wear the same eyeshadow or eat in the same restaurant every day for a lifetime? Nay, cry the villagers, the echo answers nay. We believe in our superhood. We count on it."

"Because it isn't a shame. Divorce is no longer the shame that spits stain upon womanly merit. Conventional wisdom decrees that marriage takes work, but it doesn't take work, it is work. It's a job -- intermittently fulfilling and annoying, with not enough vacation days. Divorce is a job too (with even fewer vacation days). It's a matter of weighing your options.
A friend once compared the prospect of leaving her husband to leaving her child's private school: The school wasn't entirely to her liking, but her daughter was happy there; it wasn't what she'd expected, but applying to other schools involved a lot of costly, complicated paperwork and the nagging uncertainty of whether another school would accept her and/or really be that much better."

and finally...
"Because in the end, that's basically what it's all about: getting your order right. Our day comes down to choices -- and it's finally dawning on the long-term wives of the world that divorce may be the last-standing woman's right to choose. We can admit that our marriages aren't lambent, lyrical ice-dancing routines and still decide to push on together to the final flying sit spin. We also realize that divorce is an alternative that's fully within reach, be it now or later or never. The more readily we acknowledge the solid utility of marriage (as one friend's husband put it, "I'm essentially a checkbook and a sperm bank -- but I'm okay with that!"), the more ably we can splinter the box of marital fantasy that makes us feel stuck, trapped, obliged. One eloquent swing of the ax and happiness is thrust firmly back into our own hands."


The funny thing is, my first thought at the end of the article was "so what are you going to do the day your daughter starts dating? what would I do if you were my mom?" What a conversation that would be, telling her about your first crush. Odd thing to contemplate I know, but it just made me a little sad. The little girl (or, as I have found in my experience, the still young woman) fantasy of being swept off your feet and romantically in love until the end of life, albeit a fantasy, still says something about the hearts of women, and perhaps even the hearts of men. So though we may exist in this messed up, disappointing, often time frustrating world, this concept has still remained strong, regardless of how twisted and perverted it may become.

What this article say is "It's all about me. My time, my life, my pleasure." It's not about me...it's not about you. Hopefully we are not breeding a generation of like-minded individuals. As a child of divorce and brokenness, I still have a hope and a belief in companionship, and a much greater understanding than the woman with the pen on Life. I can't wait for the day when His voice is heard above all others. Until then, we press on...

Put on your big girl shoes and get it done!

Ken Downing has to be one of my new favorite people. Ken Downing is Neiman Marcus' Senior Vice President and Fashion Directore, and he is fa-bu-lous!

Every season he gives a little recap about what is going on across the world on the runways, tells us what is "haute", and more importantly what that NM girl will love!

BERRY! SATIN! LACE! FLORALS! SLEEK AND SEXY DRESSES! DOUBLE CUFFS! (pay attention ladies...I am trying to put you ahead of the curve!)

So the title of my post comes from my favorite line of the whole presentation. He was getting into the shoes we are seeing on the runway (watch out! the booties are back with a new flare....peep toe!) and after showing a shoe similar to the one by Dior shown above (I think the actual one was a Bottega Veneta) He exclaimed "this shoe just screams put on your big girl shoes and get it done!" (Imagine what his voice is like...not mine)

Sometimes my job is tough...but at moments like that, I absolutely love my job.

Finding the Father in His Creation

This week in the lovely world of Neiman Marcus, we have our annual get-together called "Conclave". It is a fun-filled week, among other things, filled with training, teaching, goal setting, and above all, free merchandise. This afternoon we had several girls from HR present (which just as an aside, I have decided that I was made for HR, which if you are someone who knows me well, you will know that I am only slightly impulsive, so this decision could suddenly and passionately change at any moment, but for now, this is it!) on different ideas and topics as they pertain to leadership.

One of the little anecdotes they used, and I believe is probably widely used in teachings on motivation, is that of geese. I believe that the Lord is in all things, and more specifically He is in His Creation, and desires to reveal Himself and how He sees things through it. So in this very secularly focused lesson on leadership, I felt as though I learned a little lesson from the Lord, particularly in reference to the idea of living in community. Some may think I am stretching a little, and perhaps I am, but I thank the Him for taking a so humble a creature as a goose to remind me of Himself today. Perhaps you can be encouraged as well....

Sense of a Goose

When you see geese flying along in "V" formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way:

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in "V" formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone, and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those people who are headed the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point.

It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs, whether with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

What messages do we give when we honk from behind?

Finally ... and this is important ... when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

--Author Unknown

The Complainer

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. (Philippians 4:14-15)

I remember several years ago, in my wonderful Smart Start days, going through a little book (I think it was called something like "ABCs of the Bible"??), and getting to this verse as the verse of the day. I sat there and so easily taught my beautiful little 5 year-olds how we shouldn't complain when we have to make our beds, clean our rooms, or help mom with dinner. Such a simple verse. Such an easy thing.

As I have over the years come across this verse again, I realize that in all honesty, I resent it. Sometimes I just want to complain. I deserve it. Yesterday when my co-worker was acting like a girl and getting upset that I forget to tell him I had already started the file our boss asked us to work on, I grumbled under my breath at his bad attitude, my little desk, and how I just needed 20 minutes alone, with no interruptions, no conversation, just me time. An hour later, I was being the very complainer that had so irritated me.

The "real world" has taught me so many lessons that I never even realized. I am selfish. I can be moody (in moments where PMS isn't the excuse, or explanation as I like to see it). I complain a lot.

God is good. He is gracious and merciful. Slow to anger and abounding in love. His grace is lavishly poured out on me not only in the fact that He loves me despite my junk, my me-oriented mentality, my cranky days, my idols I run after instead of Him, but also in the fact that He is so crazy-jealous over having me and all of me, that He can't allow me to persist in His ways. So certainly come days I will still resent his convictions and commands that are contrary to the flesh that fights the Spirit. But I have the Spirit. Eternally, mercifully, lovingly...and He'll continue to prune to make the dying branch thrive and grow.

Words of Wisdom

"My Utmost for His Highest"
Oswald Chambers

June 20

Have you come to "when" yet?

The plaintive, self-centred, morbid kind of prayer, a dead-set that I want to be right, is never found in the New Testament. The fact that I am trying to be right with God is a sign that I am rebelling against the Atonement. "Lord, I will purify my heart if You will answer my prayer; I will walk rightly if You will help me." I cannot make myself right with God, I cannot make my life perfect; I can only be right with God if I accept the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it? I have to resign every kind of claim and cease from every effort, and leave myself entirely alone in His hands, and then begin to pour out in the priestly work of intercession. There is much prayer that arises from real disbelief in the Atonement. Jesus is not beginning to save us, He has saved us, the thing is done, and it is an insult to ask Him to do it.

If you are not getting the hundredfold more, not getting insight into God's word, then start praying for your friends, enter into the ministry of the interior. "The Lord turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends." The real business of your life as a saved soul is intercessory prayer. Wherever God puts you in circumstances, pray immediately, pray that His Atonement may be realized in other lives as it has been in yours. Pray for your friends now; pray for those with whom you come in contact now.

Darfur

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/06/19/darfur.rape/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

ZAM ZAM DISPLACEMENT CAMP, Sudan (CNN) -- Sudan's Darfur crisis has exploded on many fronts -- violence, hunger, displacement and looting -- but United Nations peacekeepers say the biggest issue now affecting the region is the systematic rape of women and children.

UNAMID police officer Ajayi Funmi educates Darfur women about rape.

Thousands of women -- as young as four -- caught in the middle of the struggle between rebel forces and government-backed militias have become victims of rape, they say, with some aid groups claiming it is being used as a weapon of ethnic cleansing.

"That is one of the biggest issues in Darfur -- the rapes, and crimes against women and children," says Michael Fryer, UNAMID's police commissioner, the United Nations peacekeeping force deployed to try to tackle the violence.

Relief workers say they are powerless to stop the attacks and they say if they do speak out they fear the Sudanese government will tell them to leave the country. Humanitarian group Refugees International in a report last year said rape was "an integral part of the pattern of violence that the government of Sudan is inflicting upon the targeted ethnic groups in Darfur."
Some relief workers say almost 100 percent of women living in aid camps have been raped or become victims of gender-based violence, with many teenagers forced by militiamen to have sex multiple times while running regular errands such as collecting firewood. They say the situation has now become so bad, many women are now resigned to rape attacks as a way of life and men are unwilling to accompany them because they fear they will be killed if they try to defend them.
my
But despite the extent of the abuse, the Sudanese government insists there is no problem, adding to the difficulties faced by the victims who are often ostracized by their communities or fall foul of a legal system seen as favoring their attackers.

"There is no rape in Darfur," says Mohammad Hassan Awad, a Humanitarian Aid Commissioner for West Darfur, who accuses foreign aid workers of persuading people in refugee camps to make false claims.

While few aid workers dispute the extent of the attacks against women, they say survivors are unwilling to come forward -- but those that do reveal shocking levels of abuse.

"She said they removed their scarves and used it to tie them up and were taking turns to rape them -- one is 13 years old the other one is 16 years," says Ajayi Funmi of the UNAMID police, who is trying to educate women told CNN after talking to two girls. Making matters worse, aid workers say scores of babies conceived through rape are being dumped by their mothers.

"Abandoned babies are reported but because of the stigma attached to it there is no detailed report because the women don't come forward," says Dr Naqib Safi of the U.N. children's body UNICEF.

As many as 20 babies a month are being dumped in one camp of 22,000 people.
With both U.N. officials calling for more female officers to better educate women against rape and women saying they won't feel safe until the under-equipped and undermanned United Nations force is strong enough to protect them, the situation shows little sign of improving.


Right now I am sitting in my Dallas, air-conditioned, floor-to-ceiling-windowed office, having just finished a wonderful lunch of Lean Cuisine, an apple, and Teddy Grahams, reading this article, and desperately struggling to comprehend the lives of these women. Like I told my friend Kayla as I g-chatted with her on my HP computer, it doesn't even seem real to me. My suburban-American mind struggles to understand the depths of it all. Wonder why...

I want to say thank you to all my friends traveling to the Sudan very soon. I'm sure there are plenty more than I am unaware are going, but Katie and Susan, you are true blessings. My suffering in comparison to the Sudanese people is like a paper cut on the finger. I am so encouraged by your hearts to give it all away and go love a people that have seen so much cruelty, so much pain, so much evil. Thank you for being a light in the darkness.

Let us not forget to pray for the nations (which is a challenge I need to hear most of all). Various humanitarian and missions organizations pop us from time to time to educate us on things going on worldwide and "rally the troops", but the fervor for the cause eventually dies as the press dies. The strongest army is the Lord's, and our most powerful weapon is prayer. We all look for the opportunity to be the one who is called to go, and I hope that many more friends will receive that calling. But thanks for the little articles to remind us where we should be first and foremost...on our knees.

My All

"In You"

I sing for joy

And my remorse

A well within prosperity's curse

That drowns the mighty oak of pride

But feeds the root of God inside

In You I find my rest

In You I find my death

In You I find my all

And my emptiness, somehow it all makes sense

In You I'm rich when I've been made poor

Comfort found when I mourn

The prideful one You see from afar

Drawing near to low, broken hearts

In You I find my rest

In You I find my death

In You I find my all

And my emptiness, but it all makes sense

Embrace this place, Oh Lord
How we want to see Your glory
Embrace this place, Oh Lord
How we long to feel Your Spirit
Lord we sing so You can hear it
And receive all the praise

Draw us near to Your heart, Oh God
Let us rest our heads on Your chest
Place our hands in Yours, Oh Lord
Hold us face to face
Embrace this place

It's been a while since I have heard this song, and what a wonderful prayer it is. An intimacy that we all desire with the Lord, that we long to rest our heads on His chest, have Him hold our hands, or hold us by the face and look deeply into our eyes, into the soul He created. As a woman who desires security, there could not be a safer place to rest. But that is the difficult task...resting in that place.

This morning in church Matt spoke on the 9 pastoral prayers that make up the basis of our church and his teachings. All prayers spoke out to me clearly, but one in particular grabbed my heart. "That we would recognize that God has purposefully placed us here--at this time, in this place--for his glory." It references Acts 17:26 "And He made made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place". I have always espoused the idea that God is not particularly concerned with the minor things: that I would continue to be in the will of God regardless of whether I was in Austin, Houston, or Dallas. That the specific job I chose or apartment I lived in were not major things He was concerned with, but rather that He was simply concerned with where my heart was, and that I lived a life desiring His glory first. Though in some regards I continue to believe this is true, I have found that I swing the pendulum too far in that direction, and Acts 17 brings me back. In His omnipotent foreknowledge, God knew that at this very moment I would sit in the living room of my apartment at 7750 Walnut Hill beside my neighbor Merrick. That I would take a job in Dallas and work in an office with Krista and Chris at 1700 Pacific. That I would spend a refreshing weekend with a kindred spirit. That I would run into Shannon at the mall in a moment that would overwhelm me to see her. The list could continue on. He has determined the allotted period of time for me, my particular dwelling place. My life is not a series of coincidences and random chances, but a predestined pathway.

Even through my current discomfort, Jesus says "You belong right here, right now." My sinful, free-will self will certainly step outside of the life God has for me, but He says I am purposefully and intentionally exactly where I need to be. I am a child under mercy. May we always experience a holy discontentment with where our lives are, rest in His sovereignty over them, and continue to hold fast to the hope of what our lives can, and one day will, be.

Embrace this place, Oh Lord. How we long to see your glory.

The Difficult Reminder

Grant, O Lord my God, that I may never fall away in success or failure; that I may not be prideful in prosperity nor dejected in adversity. Let me rejoice only in what unites us and sorrow in what separates us. May I strive to please no one or fear to displease anyone except Yourself. May I always seek the things that are eternal and never those that are only temporal. May I shun any joy that is without You. O Lord, may I delight in any work I do for You and tire of any rest that is apart from You. My God, let me direct my heart towards you, and in my failings, always repent with a purpose of amendment.
-St. Thomas Aquinas

I think this has, most recently, become my favorite prayer. A difficult one to pray at times, especially when the things I cling to in this world come crashing down, but nonetheless a reminder I need to hear. This prayer covers wherever life may find you: success or failure, prosperity or adversity.

The loss of things in this life convicts me of the idols that I have and how blinded I am to them. Family, friendships, relationships, material possessions, all quickly grab hold of my heart. I know this to be true through the pain that they cause when the Lord alters them in my life. But our God "is a holy God. He is a jealous God" (Joshua 24:19).

My sweet friend Meg gave me some of the most encouraging words last night. She reminded me of the idea that it is "God's kindness that leads us to repentance" (Romans 2:4). But an even greater message comes forth from that idea. We know that God, in his love and mercy, breaks us in order to mold and shape us and make us more like His Son. But do we realize the honor and the blessing it is that He would do so? A line I have often heard Matt Chandler say is that the wrath of God is not found in the troubles in this world, but rather that the wrath of God is most clearly seen when He does absolutely nothing. What a true statement. But on the reverse side, I think God's grace and mercy are most clearly shown when he intervenes in the life of a wretched and sinful girl, and is willing to bring struggle for a time in order to bring her more closely to her perfected self. Not that we will ever attain that this side of Heaven, but He is not willing to wait that long to begin. He wants our whole hearts now. For us to delight in the eternal, find joy only in Him, delight in the opportunity to continue working for His kingdom, and most importantly always direct our hearts towards him. He loves us so much that He wants all of us, a bridegroom that deeply wants his bride. May our hearts for Him beat as His does for us.

Psalm 63:1-3
"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."

The Burden will be Lifted

I am blessed by amazing women. Tonight I sat in small group with three beautiful, insightful, deep, God-praising women, and came home reminded of how wonderful a life changed by God can be. It was not a particularly amazing Bible Study tonight. We each came tired, overwhelmed, burdened, and struggling to focus on the Word. But tonight I felt like part of the body. Breaking bread with one another, sharing our lives with one another, praying with and for one another. Like I said, a blessing.

At the end of our confessing and tears, my dear friend Rachel so sincerely expressed a reminder of heaven, the encouragement that one day these burdens and worries will no longer plague us, as we live freely as fully redeemed children. What a thought! It reminded me of the word I heard over the weekend:

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

We can all claim the first part of Jesus' statement. I understand the truth of struggle, tribulation, and heartache. Divorce, breakups, failures, lost friendships, and a host of other things have taught me this truth. Looking outside of our lives into a world of wars, famine, addictions, and death, we can see this to be true. But I pray that I can cling to the truth of Christ. You have overcome the world. You HAVE. This is not some future action on God's part, though one day he certainly will come for us and redeem us. But He has not left us to the world. He has already overcome the world. I may struggle and experience strife this side of heaven, but Jesus has overcome. One day the battles and struggles will be over, and the burdens of my heart will be lifted. What a merciful God. I pray that we can cling to that amidst our struggles. Christ has overcome it all, and one day will restore all that is good. The troubles will cease.

Who's temple do we build?

"Now therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts, 'Consider your ways! You have sown much, but harvest little; you eat, but there is not enough to be satisfied; you drink, but there is not enough to become drunk; you put on clothing, but no one is warm enough; and he who earns, earns wages to put into a purse with holes. You look for much, but behold, it comes to little; when you bring it home, I blow it away. Why?' declares the Lord of hosts, 'Because of my house which lies desolate, while each of you runs to his own house.'"
Haggai 1:5-6,9

I love it when God asks a question. It will forever be rhetorical. "Where are you?", he says to Adam in the garden. Jesus asks John's disciples who are following Him, "What do you seek?" The all-knowing God knows the answers to these questions. Jesus was not opposed to thinkers. In fact, I believe He asks these questions as a means to encourage us to think. What are you doing? What are you really looking for? He knows our hearts far better than we know them ourselves, so he inquires these things of us to send us on a journey.

It seems as though times have not changed since Haggai's time. God has called the people to return to Jerusalem to rebuild His temple. Yet instead each man was concerned with his own house instead of the house of the Lord. I look around me, and we are no better. Leaving college and entering the so-called "real world" has given me the greatest reality check thus far in life. It is simple to sing songs, lead Bible studies, and join ministries to "build the Lord's house". But is my primary purpose, does my life display a life so overwhelmed by Christ that I seek to build His kingdom above my own personal dwelling? Do I hold on to the fleeting pleasures and goods of this world instead of the eternal kingdom promised by the Lord? I certainly am immersed in a culture that is completely concerned with the world. A daily battle I must fight. But I think He provides many of the same signs to us today that He did with the people in Jerusalem. We continue to be disappointed by the world. We eat, and continue to be hungry for something more. We put on clothes, but never are completely content. We fill our pocket books, buy the latest trend, gadget, house or car, and yet it never seems to be enough.

The Lord has a solution. Focus on the eternal kingdom. Don't run to your house, run to His. We look for significance, fulfillment, and worth in all the wrong things. Look in His house. Throughout the rest of Haggai, God continues to encourage His people with simple but profound words..."I am with you. My Spirit is abiding in your midst." Praise be to Him, God with us. A God so loving that He understands the deepest needs of my heart and allows my disappointments and emptiness to press me further and deeper into Him,

Eternity in the heart of man

"He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

A concept that is difficult for me to wrap my head around, eternity set in the heart of man. Yet how could someone not read those words and have them immediately jump off the page? A resounding THANK YOU LORD! It's something I feel on a daily basis. The longings, urgings, desiring. Those moments of desperation when the heart cries "there has to be something more", and He tells you there is. Even the most joyful moments when you feel as though things couldn't be any better, but then something whispers in your heart telling you that they can, and they will. What irony it is to both struggle and rest in this idea.

Yet an even greater struggle is the second part. That we shall "not find out the work which God has done". My father once said to me, "You know, Carly, when I tell people about you, I tell them you are like the stock market. You both don't like uncertainty". Though perhaps this is not the most endearing statement a dad can give his daughter, it is definitely the most honest and correct one. Perhaps we look at God the same way. Sometimes I use my time in the Word as a way to figure out God, and my life. Why else do we claim to have seasons in life where our quiet times seem to be dry? Is it because we seek after God for the answers he provides instead of seeking only after God, seeing Him as THE Answer? Is it that we are looking and hoping for a burning bush or a whale to envelope us, instead of calming ourselves in order to hear His voice in the wind? We buy into the idea that the Maker and Creator of all things must have at least a little more knowledge than the rest of us. But an all-knowing God that sees everything, ordains everything? We just want to know! Patience and trust are the some of the most sought after qualities in character, but certainly the hardest to discipline ourselves in.

Because of all this I have decided to name my "blogging" after this passage. It signifies not only the daily walk we have but the deep purpose we were created for. By dwelling on the truth of eternity, all that it promises and entails, we understand the reason our lives are meant to glorify God. Solomon follows this verse with a call to rejoice. So let's rejoice! We have an omnipotent God whose timing is perfect, who places eternity, Himself, in our hearts. Our longings are come into the light, and we can begin to trust Him with them. There certainly can be no greater gift, no deeper meaning, no purpose more obvious than this. In the Truth, I will rejoice.