My All

"In You"

I sing for joy

And my remorse

A well within prosperity's curse

That drowns the mighty oak of pride

But feeds the root of God inside

In You I find my rest

In You I find my death

In You I find my all

And my emptiness, somehow it all makes sense

In You I'm rich when I've been made poor

Comfort found when I mourn

The prideful one You see from afar

Drawing near to low, broken hearts

In You I find my rest

In You I find my death

In You I find my all

And my emptiness, but it all makes sense

Embrace this place, Oh Lord
How we want to see Your glory
Embrace this place, Oh Lord
How we long to feel Your Spirit
Lord we sing so You can hear it
And receive all the praise

Draw us near to Your heart, Oh God
Let us rest our heads on Your chest
Place our hands in Yours, Oh Lord
Hold us face to face
Embrace this place

It's been a while since I have heard this song, and what a wonderful prayer it is. An intimacy that we all desire with the Lord, that we long to rest our heads on His chest, have Him hold our hands, or hold us by the face and look deeply into our eyes, into the soul He created. As a woman who desires security, there could not be a safer place to rest. But that is the difficult task...resting in that place.

This morning in church Matt spoke on the 9 pastoral prayers that make up the basis of our church and his teachings. All prayers spoke out to me clearly, but one in particular grabbed my heart. "That we would recognize that God has purposefully placed us here--at this time, in this place--for his glory." It references Acts 17:26 "And He made made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place". I have always espoused the idea that God is not particularly concerned with the minor things: that I would continue to be in the will of God regardless of whether I was in Austin, Houston, or Dallas. That the specific job I chose or apartment I lived in were not major things He was concerned with, but rather that He was simply concerned with where my heart was, and that I lived a life desiring His glory first. Though in some regards I continue to believe this is true, I have found that I swing the pendulum too far in that direction, and Acts 17 brings me back. In His omnipotent foreknowledge, God knew that at this very moment I would sit in the living room of my apartment at 7750 Walnut Hill beside my neighbor Merrick. That I would take a job in Dallas and work in an office with Krista and Chris at 1700 Pacific. That I would spend a refreshing weekend with a kindred spirit. That I would run into Shannon at the mall in a moment that would overwhelm me to see her. The list could continue on. He has determined the allotted period of time for me, my particular dwelling place. My life is not a series of coincidences and random chances, but a predestined pathway.

Even through my current discomfort, Jesus says "You belong right here, right now." My sinful, free-will self will certainly step outside of the life God has for me, but He says I am purposefully and intentionally exactly where I need to be. I am a child under mercy. May we always experience a holy discontentment with where our lives are, rest in His sovereignty over them, and continue to hold fast to the hope of what our lives can, and one day will, be.

Embrace this place, Oh Lord. How we long to see your glory.

The Difficult Reminder

Grant, O Lord my God, that I may never fall away in success or failure; that I may not be prideful in prosperity nor dejected in adversity. Let me rejoice only in what unites us and sorrow in what separates us. May I strive to please no one or fear to displease anyone except Yourself. May I always seek the things that are eternal and never those that are only temporal. May I shun any joy that is without You. O Lord, may I delight in any work I do for You and tire of any rest that is apart from You. My God, let me direct my heart towards you, and in my failings, always repent with a purpose of amendment.
-St. Thomas Aquinas

I think this has, most recently, become my favorite prayer. A difficult one to pray at times, especially when the things I cling to in this world come crashing down, but nonetheless a reminder I need to hear. This prayer covers wherever life may find you: success or failure, prosperity or adversity.

The loss of things in this life convicts me of the idols that I have and how blinded I am to them. Family, friendships, relationships, material possessions, all quickly grab hold of my heart. I know this to be true through the pain that they cause when the Lord alters them in my life. But our God "is a holy God. He is a jealous God" (Joshua 24:19).

My sweet friend Meg gave me some of the most encouraging words last night. She reminded me of the idea that it is "God's kindness that leads us to repentance" (Romans 2:4). But an even greater message comes forth from that idea. We know that God, in his love and mercy, breaks us in order to mold and shape us and make us more like His Son. But do we realize the honor and the blessing it is that He would do so? A line I have often heard Matt Chandler say is that the wrath of God is not found in the troubles in this world, but rather that the wrath of God is most clearly seen when He does absolutely nothing. What a true statement. But on the reverse side, I think God's grace and mercy are most clearly shown when he intervenes in the life of a wretched and sinful girl, and is willing to bring struggle for a time in order to bring her more closely to her perfected self. Not that we will ever attain that this side of Heaven, but He is not willing to wait that long to begin. He wants our whole hearts now. For us to delight in the eternal, find joy only in Him, delight in the opportunity to continue working for His kingdom, and most importantly always direct our hearts towards him. He loves us so much that He wants all of us, a bridegroom that deeply wants his bride. May our hearts for Him beat as His does for us.

Psalm 63:1-3
"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."