From "The Valley of Vision"

God the All

O God whose will conquers all,

There is no comfort in anything apart from enjoying thee and being engaged in thy service;

Thou art all in all, and all enjoyments are what to me thou makest them, and no more.

I am well pleased with thy will, whatever it is, or should be in all respects,

And if thou bidst me decide for myself in any affair I would choose to refer all to thee, for thou art infinitely wise an cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing.

I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal, and it delights me to leave them there.

Then prayer turns wholly into praise, and all I can do is adore and bless thee.

What shall I give thee for all thy benefits? I am in a strait betwixt two, knowing not what to do;

I long to make some return, but have nothing to offer, and can only rejoice that thou doest all, that none in heaven or on earth shares thy honour;

I can of myself do nothing to glorify thy blessed name, but I can through grace cheerfully surrender body and soul to thee,

I know that thou art the author and finisher of faith, that the whole work of redemption is thine alone, that every good work or thought found in me is the effect of thy power and grace, that thy sole motive in working in me to will and to do is for thy good pleasure.

O God, it is amazing that men can talk so much about man's creaturely power and goodness, when, if thou didst not hold back every moment, we should be devils incarnate.

This, by bitter experience, thou hast taught me concerning myself.

A sobering prayer for this December morning. I am encouraged by His sovereignty, His forethought, His knowledge, and His care. His grace is overwhelming. Praise Him for these things. My heart longs to refer all to thee, leave all things to His disposal. Asking for the grace and heart to trust Him more.

It's been a long time, old friend.

And here we are, 7 months later. Drum roll please....


Carly is updating her blog! For all 7 of you who have decided to read my blog, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Between a busy schedule, a personal computer that decided to acquire a lovely virus, and an overall feeling that my life and/or personal thoughts have not held much that others could find interesting, I have unfortunately neglected my blog. Sorry, dear one. I have thought of you, thought of posts, but few have felt very noteworthy. Nevertheless, here goes....


First of all, can I just say that I cannot believe it is September! Before you know it, we will be traveling through 2010. Incredible. Amazing how time flies. I have been a Dallas resident for 2 years now (I think I actually moved here September 12, 2007), and what a home I have created. Though I continue to miss the aesthetic qualities found in Austin, the Lord has certainly provided a life, a community, a church, friends, and relationships that have made my time here nothing less than delightful. The most recent blessing he has provided is the addition of a Dallas campus to The Village Church! Go check it out: http://northway.thevillagechurch.net/

Yesterday was "hard launch" day for the Dallas campus, and what a joy it was! I know there was a little anxiety among the team that had been there all summer, acclimating the former Northway members to the Village. I have been able to witness what God has done among this small group of people, creating such a community and deep love among them. But yesterday was nothing less than an answer to prayer, a witness to His provision and faithfulness, and a deep thankfulness of the gift He has given us in the church. As I got out of my car (coffee in hand, of course), I heard a group of girls walking in front of me exclaim "we're finally here!" It was so neat.

As I sat in the sanctuary, dimmed by the rainy fall evening, I was overwhelmed. We sang a song last night that I have listened to for weeks, by the truth in the words struck a new chord in me last night, as if I was hearing them for the first time. As is customary for me, I have written them below.

The Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on his promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

All of my life, in every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

I highlighted my favorite section of the song, mostly because it was what hit me, convicted me, served as a much needed reminder. As I listened to the song on repeat this morning, I thought through the immense truths in it, truths that I have most recently forsaken. The seasoned believer knows (but may rarely live out, one might argue), the concept that God's character is not dependent upon my circumstances. He is unchanging. But what's more...the consistency in who He is, what He has done, creates a situation where there is never a time where we do not have a reason to sing, to be thankful, to worship Him and God, Creator, and Sustainer. In every season: singleness and marriage, school and work, loneliness and community, depth of affection for Him or dry spells, I have a reason to worship Him. He provides, He refines, He promises and delivers, He fills. In my own time recently of "figuring out life", I have struggled to find joy in the midst of struggle, sometimes despair, and oftentimes a feeling as though my time lacks purpose. But the season has been ordained, and through it all, He is still God. Weighty. Often assumed and overlooked. But weighty. Hope and pray to rest in that today.

So there's the blog. If nothing else, it's length should make up for at least 2 months of silence. Hope the 7 of you are doing well.

Old email, old friend...

I was cleaning out my Inbox today (obviously a busy day at work), when I came across the following quote from dear Lil' Kim (love how you keep coming up in my blog while many miles away). I have yet to read the book, or anything from the author for that matter, but I intend to.

"Our cup is often so full of pain that joy seems completely unreachable. When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. The sorrow overwhelms us, makes us throw ourselves on the ground, face down, and sweat drops of blood. Then we need to be reminded that our cup of sorrow is also our cup of joy and that one day we will be able to taste the joy as fully as we now taste the sorrow...Jesus' unconditional yes to this Father had empowered him to drink his cup not in passive resignation but with the full knowledge that the hour of his death would also be the hour of his glory...Joys are hidden in sorrows! We keep forgetting this truth and become overwhelmed by our own darkness. We easily lose sight of our joys and speak of our sorrows as the only reality there is. We need to remind each other... that precisely what causes us sadness can become the fertile ground for gladness... Because only when we fully realize that the cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy will we be able to drink it."

In Can You Drink the Cup? by Henri Nouwen

Where is our resolve??

resolve (def): to come to a definite or earnest decision about; (music) to progress from a dissonance to a consonance; firmness of purpose or intent

Over the past several weeks, I have been reading through Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions, and examining his fervor and passion as a means to then evaluate my own. It has caused me to even consider the idea of having "resolutions", an idea we minimize to New Years' attempts to lose weight, watch less tv, or finally quit eating so much ice cream (oh that it may NEVER be!). But looking at the definition of resolve, there is much more gravity placed on the idea of making a resolution. It implies (in my observation) that there is some deep desire, whole-hearted passion, fervor, and zeal for that thing we resolve to do. A desire to bring harmony, meaning to things (which is why I love the musical definition).

So here are a few (ok several) of his resolutions that I really resonated with. Go read them. Old guys always articulate things far better.

#6: Resolved to live with all my might, while I do live.
#8: Resolved to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others...
#22: Resolved to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness in the other world as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of or can bring myself to exert in any way that can be thought of.
#25: Resolved, to examine carefully and constantly, what that one thing in me is which causes me in the least to doubt the love of God--and to direct all my forces against it.
#28: Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly, and frequently, as that I may find and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
#43: Resolved, never henceforward, 'til I die, to act as if I were in any way my own, but entirely and altogether God's.
#48: Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul that I may know whether I have truly and interest in Christ or not, that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of.
#49: Resolved that this never shall be, if I can help it.
#53: (my current personal favorite) Resolved to improve every opportunity when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in Him, and consecrate myself wholly to Him--that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer.
#64: resolved, when I find those "groanings which cannot be uttered" (Romans 8:26) of which the Apostle speaks, and those "breakings of soul for the longing it hath" (Psalm 119:20) of which the Psalmist speaks, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness.


Even reading those few words reveals in me a significant lack of resolve, of deep, earnest, life-changing, whole-hearted, sacrificial determination to do everything in my might for the glory of Christ, for that singular purpose I claim my life to be for.

Resolved, to daily run, war, plead for the things that get me more of Jesus, and to fight earnestly against those that do not, all the while considering my brothers and sisters as greater than myself, and diligently fighting for them in the same vein.

Our problem is not too much passion, but far too little.

Jamie needs something to read in class...

So, it has been weeks, months really since I have given any kind of a post, so I figured I would provide a little "life update" on what has gone on the past month or so.

For Christmas, I was able to go home for a rather short amount of time. Strange thing is, going back to Sugar Land actually brings a little sadness....I love where I am right now, but become nostalgic when I go home. I miss that little suburban town.

I figured I would add this picture because it so rarely occurs. That's right, Ryan and Carly in a picture...together!! I guess it was easier since we didn't have to stand next to each other. Ryan and I had dinner with Dad when I flew into Houston, and Ryan and Dad exchanged Christmas presents after enjoying some of Dad's famous Christmas Eve chili. It really was a great night. Several months ago, my dad bought a townhouse, and it has been so cool to see how excited he gets when talking about it. He loves to send me picture text-messages when he gets new furniture or art-work. That man and picture-messaging.

The next morning Lil' Mo (Mom) and I had a few of the girls over for breakfast. So great to see you Hoyt, McMath, and Rubion!! I miss my girls more than I realize most days. We spent the rest of the day going to church, eating a wonderful pork tenderloin (cooked by mom!!! Can you believe it?? Of course she would improve the art of cooking AFTER Ryan and I are gone. Hot dogs...ugh), opening presents, and watching movies. Wish I could have had more time with mom, but it is what it is....

Christmas morning Dad and I caught a plane to Nashville! What a great little city. We spent the weekend hanging out with my Aunt Chris, her husband Bill, and my cousins Betsy and Brad. It was a lot of fun. I was born in Franklin, just south of Nashville, so Dad took me around showing me all the memories of homes we'd lived in, where he worked, the church I was baptized in. It was fun, but a little sad at the same time. Just hearing of a time when "mom and dad were together" makes any person a little sad, and it's easy to fall in the "what ifs" in those cases. But the Lord is sovereign over it all, and as much life changes, He doesn't.

Oh yea...let's not forget The Masked Avenger. My dad has always been a huge Superman/Batman/Superhero fanatic, so My Aunt Chris and Betsy always get him gifts along those themes. This year was the "How to Be a Superhero Tool Kit". Hilarious.

Time in Nashville was great, but there's nothing like an air mattress and 5 people to one bathroom to make you eager to get home. After missing flights, crying in airports, and the like, I was happy to be back in Dallas. NYE was fabulous. We got all dressed up and went to Starlight Gala, hosted by ACS!!! What a blast. Everyone knows how much I love to get dressed up, and it was so much fun hanging out with Cstar, Jenn, Brooke, and Melissa. Hopefully pictures will come soon.

So now it's back to the daily grind. Speaking of "grind", me and two lovely ladies have been seriously throwing around the idea of owning a coffee-shop. I'm not being my usual impulsive self with this one, but we're for-real for-real. Thoughts?? Our favorite little shop in Dallas is called Crooked Tree, and we frequently head out there claiming to be doing "market research". I am in the process of trying to become besties with the owners in order to catch a glimpse of their vision (I read and article D Magazine wrote about them, and I am pretty sure their heart in opening Crooked Tree is the same as our hearts in owning a coffee shop). Working on the business plan until the market turns around :)

Next time I'll try to do more of my "insightful rants". For now, the practical update will suffice. May the Lord bless you and keep you. Hope you had time to rest in Him this holiday season, and experience the joy of the Incarnate God, Emmanuel. Love love.

CSL

"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory


Last night, after leaving an amazing night at club where I grumbled slightly at the facts that (a) God had not created me to be a rock star, though my heart deeply wishes I could belt one out like the Martinas, the Sarahs, the Whitneys and the Celines, and (b) along with point a, that life is not a musical, and Troy Bolton will not be showing up in a tux in a tree to give me flowers and tell me that "his prom is wherever I am", I proceeded, in the torrential rain, to the nearest Barnes and Noble, only to get soaked as I attempted to get my umbrella from the trunk of my car and enter the fine literary establishment whose fire alarm was going off at deafening decibels.

However, any moderate reader would know that once inside, an endless array of opportunity awaits. So I picked up my own copy of The Weight of Glory, as well as a brand new journal (which I have found is one of the most therapeutic times I enjoy once every few months), and made my way back home.

What a glorious night. Sitting in my bed, rain on my window, starting a new book from a noteworthy author that I was sure would not disappoint. Chapter 1, line 1: "If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues...". Bam. Thank you CSL. You rock.

I am far too easily pleased, and therefore in the same vein, far too easily disappointed. I, like the child, fool around with mud pies in the slums, forsaking the incredible vacation offered. And yet when I realize that I am dirty and my hands smell, I am disappointed that the mud had not been all that I had hoped. My desires are far too weak, running after money, success, relationship, recognition, and discarding the infinite joy, the ultimate pleasure, the complete righteousness and glory offered at His right hand.

Page 1. Awesome. Can't wait to see what pages 2-200 have yet to offer.

And ps...I love the term "holiday". When we were in Cancun in September, we met a few guys from London who stated they were in Mexico for a few weeks "on holiday". I have decided that vacation will be removed and holiday inserted into my natural, and perhaps daily, vocabulary. Just sounds so much cooler. Now here's to hoping that this fine institution that continues to employ me (thankful to have a job!) could find it in their hearts to grant me a holiday sometime soon!

Love y'all :)

Life

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. "

1Timothy 6:6-19

On Friday mornings I get the priviledge of hanging out with some of my favorite girls as we pull ourselves out of our warm beds and peaceful sleep and love on those we are called to love by serving breakfast at The Bridge. This morning in particular, Lauren, Jenn, and I were in the back: banana, nutrigrain bar, yogurt. Banana, nutrigrain bar, yogurt, and the occasional clumsy spill (ok, ok, not occasional. Jenn and I were incredibly klutzy this morning). As we were chatting while we worked, we suddenly heard one of the most strikingly powerful voices we had ever heard. One of the men had gotten on the microphone and began singing "How Great Thou Art". I think Jenn's words describe it far more accurately than I can...

"this morning when that man started singing, what was cold in my stomach and on my insides began to fill with warmth as he hit every note. it was one of the most beautiful sounds i have ever heard. it might not be because he was the best singer around, but you felt his heart in it, his desperation, and the words he was singing, you could tell that he believed them and needed them."

I followed that beautiful statement with a question to Jenn and Lauren that I knew was rhetorical for all of us:

Have you girls ever felt, especially when we go there, slightly envious of some of these people, in their incredible hunger, desperation, dependence on the Lord? I feel that way almost every time we leave, and ABSOLUTELY...hearing it in that man's voice this morning made it even more present. The toys and trinkets and things of this world draw my heart away from Him, and make the ability to have an insatiable hunger for the Lord seem nearly impossible. How crazy is this life, that this flesh of ours fights Him every moment He attempts to humble us and do a good work in us, yet His Spirit inside absolutely tugs on my heart for this kind of humility and passion.

Be reminded of who He is, the blessed and only Ruler, King of kings and Lord of lords...in whom life that is TRULY life.

So thankful for the women in my life. SO thankful :)

Which is worse, an economic or spiritual crisis?

Today at lunch I was reading David Daniels' blog, a former College Pastor of ECHO and now the Senior Pastor of Pantego Bible Church in Fort Worth, and came upon the most sobering website.

http://www.globalrichlist.com/index.php

Go. It WILL surprise you.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

Loving Autumn

As I walked out of my apartment this morning into the amazing 58 degree weather, I suddenly knew it was going to be a great day. Why you ask?? Because Autumn is finally on it's way (it sounds so much better calling it Autumn instead of Fall)! My favorite season. Here's all the reasons I LOVE Autumn:

1. The weather: duh. Living in Texas for 21 of the 23 years of my existence, this is definitely a no brainer. The movement from crazy hot and muggy temperatures to the coolness (dual meaning in that term) is wonderfully refreshing. Sit outside and read a book, go for a run in the afternoon. The opportunities expand.

2. Electricity: stemming off of numero uno, the amazing temperatures allow you to open your windows, enjoy the fresh air, and turn off that AC, thereby helping you save some extra cash for those Christmas presents (or that amazing dress at Anthropologie. Which one, you ask? All of them, obviously). To each his own...

3. The colors: Though I love the pastels and jewel-tones we find in spring, there is something fun about the transitions to deep reds, browns, and oranges. As we used to say in the lovely Caswell house, it makes everything "warm and inviting". (miss you girls!)

4. Football: All I must say is...."Hook 'em!". Done and done.

5. The clothes: as much as I enjoy fun summer dresses and tank tops, who can beat jeans, the cozy turtlenecks, crazy boots (peep-toe booties are in this season!), coats, scarves, all of it! Sure it takes up more room in the closet, and several items must be dry-cleaned due to the slight smell they contain coming out of the storage containers. But so worth it!

6. Fireplaces: So I could be a little premature on this one (probably more suited for a "Loving Winter" mentality), but shoot...Kara and I have already used the fireplace. Don't worry, only candles people. Just remember. Open the flue, or else smoke everyone out of your house (sorry Kaylita and Haybug).

7. Pumpkins: Everywhere! Dawning the doorstep, inviting people in, in pies, in bread, and most importantly at your local Starbucks in the form of a latte! Grab a cup of coffee, a good book or a great friend, and enjoy the several hours of bliss :)

8. Holiday season: Autumn marks the onset of the holidays. Old friends coming home from all over (LA, Europe, Colorado, Philly, even College Station!), spending time with family, a break from work, and increased sales...gotta love that retail!

Now by no means is this wonderful list of mine exhaustive, but they certainly highlight all the bliss that is associated with Autumn. So get out your scarves, grab a latte, and let's go play in the leaves!

Religulous

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/10/01/film.religulous.ap/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

I sure am a fan of articles, particularly those presented by cnn.com (not sure how this news source became my news of choice, but it is what it is).

Has anyone heard of this movie? The wonderfully anti-religious Bill Maher has decided to create a movie, or documentary rather, "challenging the validity and value of Christian, Jewish, and Islamic faiths". The interesting spin on this is that he has teamed up with director Larry Charles (yes, friends, Borat...) to make this film. Quite the duo I must say.

After reading this article, the incredibly feisty side of me (wait...Carly?? Feisty?? Heavens no!) wanted to go off on how frustrated this makes me, how Bill Maher has no intentions of making a documentary that has any intrinsic value but rather wished to elevate himself and raise some laughs through bias and blasphemy....and my frustrations could go on. Like I said: feisty.

But as I thought through the movie and would I be willing to go see it to understand what it was about, I couldn't help but be slightly sorrowful for not only the fact that there is so much disdain for the Lord and the truth of who He is and who we are because of that, but also that in fact there are millions of men and women that subscribe to the same ideas, not because they don't like what they find out about an all-knowing, merciful, compassionate, jealously-loving, sacrificial God, but because they don't like what they see in those that claim His name, both in His followers and the institutions they are a part of.

I think the final lines of the article are what grabbed me most: "Comedians have always made jokes about religion. It's a rich topic. I did when I was a young comedian, but they weren't jokes that got right to the essense of it, which is, this is dangerous and this is silly."

Interesting how many world views there are. As Christians, sure, we screw things up a lot. We claim the name of Christ and then turn around and gossip about our friends, or crusade after moral issues like abortion and homosexuality, completely forgetting that those are merely symptoms of a greater issue. But at the end of the day, we can all agree that there is something terribly wrong with this world. The dangerous part is not Christianity or Christians...though at times we absolutely mess up and make things worse. The dangerous and silly thing is not even in the truth we believe about the end result of life for those who do not believe (though we may believe this to be true, a good argument for the grace of Christ should not be "follow, or else reside in a firey pit for eternity"). The danger is living a life, earthly and eternally, apart from the One who created you, gave you life, sustains you, passionately wants you.

I know...probably going too far on just a movie. But Bill Maher is simply the spokesman for many others. This is our culture. These are the brothers and sisters that we are told to GO and baptize. What faith we need.... And I promise. I'll try to come up with a funny post next time. But let's be honest, I'm not that funny.

An Ode to Lil' Kim

Ok, so I must follow the other wonderful people that love this girl so much and give a lil' love to my lil' kim. Welcome to the world of 23, dear friend, where people no longer find out your age and continue to exclaim "You're so young!" or perhaps think of you as still some undergrad, immature college student. You are beginning to move into the age of maturity and wisdom, the prime of your life, which is really just a nice way of saying you're getting old. Don't worry though...because even though they say Asians age well, we don't want you to wrinkle prematurely...

I wish I could come up with a poem half as good as you, but instead you will have to be content with the inarticulate and non-poetic words of the Italian Stallion. Texas is not the same without you. Austin is not the same without you. Sno beach has a little less flavor with you gone. So hurry up with all that law schoolin, and come back down to the Texas Bar...and barbeque!

Miss you terribly. Happy 23rd Jamie, where the "i" is before the "m". Jamie, not Jaime.

What a Culture

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/26/o.divorce.dreams/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

Probably one of the most disturbing opinion articles I have ever read, and I guess it should come as no surprise that it came from Oprah (or should it? She is a spiritual woman, after all...)

For those of you who don't have the time, energy, or interest to read the whole thing, here is a general recap:

"I contemplate divorce every day. It tugs on my sleeve each morning when my husband, Will, greets me in his chipper, smug morning-person voice, because after 16 years of waking up together, he still hasn't quite pieced out that I'm not viable before 10 a.m."

"Mind you, when I say Mid-Wife Crisis, I mean the middle-of-married-life kind, not the kind where you go to Yale to learn how to legally brandish a birthing stool. As one girlfriend remarked, it's the age of rage -- a period of high irritation that lasts roughly one to two decades. As a colleague e-mailed me, it's the simmering underbelly of resentment, the 600-pound mosquito in the room. At a juncture where we thought we should have unearthed some modicum of certainty, we are turning into the Clash. If I go will there be trouble? If I stay will it be double? Should I stay or should I go?"

one of my favorites...
"We were groomed to think bigger and better -- achievement was our birthright -- so it's small surprise that our marriages are more freighted. Marriage and its cruel cohort, fidelity, are a lot to expect from anyone, much less from swift-flying us. Would we agree to wear the same eyeshadow or eat in the same restaurant every day for a lifetime? Nay, cry the villagers, the echo answers nay. We believe in our superhood. We count on it."

"Because it isn't a shame. Divorce is no longer the shame that spits stain upon womanly merit. Conventional wisdom decrees that marriage takes work, but it doesn't take work, it is work. It's a job -- intermittently fulfilling and annoying, with not enough vacation days. Divorce is a job too (with even fewer vacation days). It's a matter of weighing your options.
A friend once compared the prospect of leaving her husband to leaving her child's private school: The school wasn't entirely to her liking, but her daughter was happy there; it wasn't what she'd expected, but applying to other schools involved a lot of costly, complicated paperwork and the nagging uncertainty of whether another school would accept her and/or really be that much better."

and finally...
"Because in the end, that's basically what it's all about: getting your order right. Our day comes down to choices -- and it's finally dawning on the long-term wives of the world that divorce may be the last-standing woman's right to choose. We can admit that our marriages aren't lambent, lyrical ice-dancing routines and still decide to push on together to the final flying sit spin. We also realize that divorce is an alternative that's fully within reach, be it now or later or never. The more readily we acknowledge the solid utility of marriage (as one friend's husband put it, "I'm essentially a checkbook and a sperm bank -- but I'm okay with that!"), the more ably we can splinter the box of marital fantasy that makes us feel stuck, trapped, obliged. One eloquent swing of the ax and happiness is thrust firmly back into our own hands."


The funny thing is, my first thought at the end of the article was "so what are you going to do the day your daughter starts dating? what would I do if you were my mom?" What a conversation that would be, telling her about your first crush. Odd thing to contemplate I know, but it just made me a little sad. The little girl (or, as I have found in my experience, the still young woman) fantasy of being swept off your feet and romantically in love until the end of life, albeit a fantasy, still says something about the hearts of women, and perhaps even the hearts of men. So though we may exist in this messed up, disappointing, often time frustrating world, this concept has still remained strong, regardless of how twisted and perverted it may become.

What this article say is "It's all about me. My time, my life, my pleasure." It's not about me...it's not about you. Hopefully we are not breeding a generation of like-minded individuals. As a child of divorce and brokenness, I still have a hope and a belief in companionship, and a much greater understanding than the woman with the pen on Life. I can't wait for the day when His voice is heard above all others. Until then, we press on...

Put on your big girl shoes and get it done!

Ken Downing has to be one of my new favorite people. Ken Downing is Neiman Marcus' Senior Vice President and Fashion Directore, and he is fa-bu-lous!

Every season he gives a little recap about what is going on across the world on the runways, tells us what is "haute", and more importantly what that NM girl will love!

BERRY! SATIN! LACE! FLORALS! SLEEK AND SEXY DRESSES! DOUBLE CUFFS! (pay attention ladies...I am trying to put you ahead of the curve!)

So the title of my post comes from my favorite line of the whole presentation. He was getting into the shoes we are seeing on the runway (watch out! the booties are back with a new flare....peep toe!) and after showing a shoe similar to the one by Dior shown above (I think the actual one was a Bottega Veneta) He exclaimed "this shoe just screams put on your big girl shoes and get it done!" (Imagine what his voice is like...not mine)

Sometimes my job is tough...but at moments like that, I absolutely love my job.

Finding the Father in His Creation

This week in the lovely world of Neiman Marcus, we have our annual get-together called "Conclave". It is a fun-filled week, among other things, filled with training, teaching, goal setting, and above all, free merchandise. This afternoon we had several girls from HR present (which just as an aside, I have decided that I was made for HR, which if you are someone who knows me well, you will know that I am only slightly impulsive, so this decision could suddenly and passionately change at any moment, but for now, this is it!) on different ideas and topics as they pertain to leadership.

One of the little anecdotes they used, and I believe is probably widely used in teachings on motivation, is that of geese. I believe that the Lord is in all things, and more specifically He is in His Creation, and desires to reveal Himself and how He sees things through it. So in this very secularly focused lesson on leadership, I felt as though I learned a little lesson from the Lord, particularly in reference to the idea of living in community. Some may think I am stretching a little, and perhaps I am, but I thank the Him for taking a so humble a creature as a goose to remind me of Himself today. Perhaps you can be encouraged as well....

Sense of a Goose

When you see geese flying along in "V" formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way:

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in "V" formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone, and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those people who are headed the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point.

It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs, whether with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

What messages do we give when we honk from behind?

Finally ... and this is important ... when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

--Author Unknown

The Complainer

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. (Philippians 4:14-15)

I remember several years ago, in my wonderful Smart Start days, going through a little book (I think it was called something like "ABCs of the Bible"??), and getting to this verse as the verse of the day. I sat there and so easily taught my beautiful little 5 year-olds how we shouldn't complain when we have to make our beds, clean our rooms, or help mom with dinner. Such a simple verse. Such an easy thing.

As I have over the years come across this verse again, I realize that in all honesty, I resent it. Sometimes I just want to complain. I deserve it. Yesterday when my co-worker was acting like a girl and getting upset that I forget to tell him I had already started the file our boss asked us to work on, I grumbled under my breath at his bad attitude, my little desk, and how I just needed 20 minutes alone, with no interruptions, no conversation, just me time. An hour later, I was being the very complainer that had so irritated me.

The "real world" has taught me so many lessons that I never even realized. I am selfish. I can be moody (in moments where PMS isn't the excuse, or explanation as I like to see it). I complain a lot.

God is good. He is gracious and merciful. Slow to anger and abounding in love. His grace is lavishly poured out on me not only in the fact that He loves me despite my junk, my me-oriented mentality, my cranky days, my idols I run after instead of Him, but also in the fact that He is so crazy-jealous over having me and all of me, that He can't allow me to persist in His ways. So certainly come days I will still resent his convictions and commands that are contrary to the flesh that fights the Spirit. But I have the Spirit. Eternally, mercifully, lovingly...and He'll continue to prune to make the dying branch thrive and grow.

Words of Wisdom

"My Utmost for His Highest"
Oswald Chambers

June 20

Have you come to "when" yet?

The plaintive, self-centred, morbid kind of prayer, a dead-set that I want to be right, is never found in the New Testament. The fact that I am trying to be right with God is a sign that I am rebelling against the Atonement. "Lord, I will purify my heart if You will answer my prayer; I will walk rightly if You will help me." I cannot make myself right with God, I cannot make my life perfect; I can only be right with God if I accept the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it? I have to resign every kind of claim and cease from every effort, and leave myself entirely alone in His hands, and then begin to pour out in the priestly work of intercession. There is much prayer that arises from real disbelief in the Atonement. Jesus is not beginning to save us, He has saved us, the thing is done, and it is an insult to ask Him to do it.

If you are not getting the hundredfold more, not getting insight into God's word, then start praying for your friends, enter into the ministry of the interior. "The Lord turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends." The real business of your life as a saved soul is intercessory prayer. Wherever God puts you in circumstances, pray immediately, pray that His Atonement may be realized in other lives as it has been in yours. Pray for your friends now; pray for those with whom you come in contact now.

Darfur

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/06/19/darfur.rape/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

ZAM ZAM DISPLACEMENT CAMP, Sudan (CNN) -- Sudan's Darfur crisis has exploded on many fronts -- violence, hunger, displacement and looting -- but United Nations peacekeepers say the biggest issue now affecting the region is the systematic rape of women and children.

UNAMID police officer Ajayi Funmi educates Darfur women about rape.

Thousands of women -- as young as four -- caught in the middle of the struggle between rebel forces and government-backed militias have become victims of rape, they say, with some aid groups claiming it is being used as a weapon of ethnic cleansing.

"That is one of the biggest issues in Darfur -- the rapes, and crimes against women and children," says Michael Fryer, UNAMID's police commissioner, the United Nations peacekeeping force deployed to try to tackle the violence.

Relief workers say they are powerless to stop the attacks and they say if they do speak out they fear the Sudanese government will tell them to leave the country. Humanitarian group Refugees International in a report last year said rape was "an integral part of the pattern of violence that the government of Sudan is inflicting upon the targeted ethnic groups in Darfur."
Some relief workers say almost 100 percent of women living in aid camps have been raped or become victims of gender-based violence, with many teenagers forced by militiamen to have sex multiple times while running regular errands such as collecting firewood. They say the situation has now become so bad, many women are now resigned to rape attacks as a way of life and men are unwilling to accompany them because they fear they will be killed if they try to defend them.
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But despite the extent of the abuse, the Sudanese government insists there is no problem, adding to the difficulties faced by the victims who are often ostracized by their communities or fall foul of a legal system seen as favoring their attackers.

"There is no rape in Darfur," says Mohammad Hassan Awad, a Humanitarian Aid Commissioner for West Darfur, who accuses foreign aid workers of persuading people in refugee camps to make false claims.

While few aid workers dispute the extent of the attacks against women, they say survivors are unwilling to come forward -- but those that do reveal shocking levels of abuse.

"She said they removed their scarves and used it to tie them up and were taking turns to rape them -- one is 13 years old the other one is 16 years," says Ajayi Funmi of the UNAMID police, who is trying to educate women told CNN after talking to two girls. Making matters worse, aid workers say scores of babies conceived through rape are being dumped by their mothers.

"Abandoned babies are reported but because of the stigma attached to it there is no detailed report because the women don't come forward," says Dr Naqib Safi of the U.N. children's body UNICEF.

As many as 20 babies a month are being dumped in one camp of 22,000 people.
With both U.N. officials calling for more female officers to better educate women against rape and women saying they won't feel safe until the under-equipped and undermanned United Nations force is strong enough to protect them, the situation shows little sign of improving.


Right now I am sitting in my Dallas, air-conditioned, floor-to-ceiling-windowed office, having just finished a wonderful lunch of Lean Cuisine, an apple, and Teddy Grahams, reading this article, and desperately struggling to comprehend the lives of these women. Like I told my friend Kayla as I g-chatted with her on my HP computer, it doesn't even seem real to me. My suburban-American mind struggles to understand the depths of it all. Wonder why...

I want to say thank you to all my friends traveling to the Sudan very soon. I'm sure there are plenty more than I am unaware are going, but Katie and Susan, you are true blessings. My suffering in comparison to the Sudanese people is like a paper cut on the finger. I am so encouraged by your hearts to give it all away and go love a people that have seen so much cruelty, so much pain, so much evil. Thank you for being a light in the darkness.

Let us not forget to pray for the nations (which is a challenge I need to hear most of all). Various humanitarian and missions organizations pop us from time to time to educate us on things going on worldwide and "rally the troops", but the fervor for the cause eventually dies as the press dies. The strongest army is the Lord's, and our most powerful weapon is prayer. We all look for the opportunity to be the one who is called to go, and I hope that many more friends will receive that calling. But thanks for the little articles to remind us where we should be first and foremost...on our knees.

My All

"In You"

I sing for joy

And my remorse

A well within prosperity's curse

That drowns the mighty oak of pride

But feeds the root of God inside

In You I find my rest

In You I find my death

In You I find my all

And my emptiness, somehow it all makes sense

In You I'm rich when I've been made poor

Comfort found when I mourn

The prideful one You see from afar

Drawing near to low, broken hearts

In You I find my rest

In You I find my death

In You I find my all

And my emptiness, but it all makes sense

Embrace this place, Oh Lord
How we want to see Your glory
Embrace this place, Oh Lord
How we long to feel Your Spirit
Lord we sing so You can hear it
And receive all the praise

Draw us near to Your heart, Oh God
Let us rest our heads on Your chest
Place our hands in Yours, Oh Lord
Hold us face to face
Embrace this place

It's been a while since I have heard this song, and what a wonderful prayer it is. An intimacy that we all desire with the Lord, that we long to rest our heads on His chest, have Him hold our hands, or hold us by the face and look deeply into our eyes, into the soul He created. As a woman who desires security, there could not be a safer place to rest. But that is the difficult task...resting in that place.

This morning in church Matt spoke on the 9 pastoral prayers that make up the basis of our church and his teachings. All prayers spoke out to me clearly, but one in particular grabbed my heart. "That we would recognize that God has purposefully placed us here--at this time, in this place--for his glory." It references Acts 17:26 "And He made made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place". I have always espoused the idea that God is not particularly concerned with the minor things: that I would continue to be in the will of God regardless of whether I was in Austin, Houston, or Dallas. That the specific job I chose or apartment I lived in were not major things He was concerned with, but rather that He was simply concerned with where my heart was, and that I lived a life desiring His glory first. Though in some regards I continue to believe this is true, I have found that I swing the pendulum too far in that direction, and Acts 17 brings me back. In His omnipotent foreknowledge, God knew that at this very moment I would sit in the living room of my apartment at 7750 Walnut Hill beside my neighbor Merrick. That I would take a job in Dallas and work in an office with Krista and Chris at 1700 Pacific. That I would spend a refreshing weekend with a kindred spirit. That I would run into Shannon at the mall in a moment that would overwhelm me to see her. The list could continue on. He has determined the allotted period of time for me, my particular dwelling place. My life is not a series of coincidences and random chances, but a predestined pathway.

Even through my current discomfort, Jesus says "You belong right here, right now." My sinful, free-will self will certainly step outside of the life God has for me, but He says I am purposefully and intentionally exactly where I need to be. I am a child under mercy. May we always experience a holy discontentment with where our lives are, rest in His sovereignty over them, and continue to hold fast to the hope of what our lives can, and one day will, be.

Embrace this place, Oh Lord. How we long to see your glory.

The Difficult Reminder

Grant, O Lord my God, that I may never fall away in success or failure; that I may not be prideful in prosperity nor dejected in adversity. Let me rejoice only in what unites us and sorrow in what separates us. May I strive to please no one or fear to displease anyone except Yourself. May I always seek the things that are eternal and never those that are only temporal. May I shun any joy that is without You. O Lord, may I delight in any work I do for You and tire of any rest that is apart from You. My God, let me direct my heart towards you, and in my failings, always repent with a purpose of amendment.
-St. Thomas Aquinas

I think this has, most recently, become my favorite prayer. A difficult one to pray at times, especially when the things I cling to in this world come crashing down, but nonetheless a reminder I need to hear. This prayer covers wherever life may find you: success or failure, prosperity or adversity.

The loss of things in this life convicts me of the idols that I have and how blinded I am to them. Family, friendships, relationships, material possessions, all quickly grab hold of my heart. I know this to be true through the pain that they cause when the Lord alters them in my life. But our God "is a holy God. He is a jealous God" (Joshua 24:19).

My sweet friend Meg gave me some of the most encouraging words last night. She reminded me of the idea that it is "God's kindness that leads us to repentance" (Romans 2:4). But an even greater message comes forth from that idea. We know that God, in his love and mercy, breaks us in order to mold and shape us and make us more like His Son. But do we realize the honor and the blessing it is that He would do so? A line I have often heard Matt Chandler say is that the wrath of God is not found in the troubles in this world, but rather that the wrath of God is most clearly seen when He does absolutely nothing. What a true statement. But on the reverse side, I think God's grace and mercy are most clearly shown when he intervenes in the life of a wretched and sinful girl, and is willing to bring struggle for a time in order to bring her more closely to her perfected self. Not that we will ever attain that this side of Heaven, but He is not willing to wait that long to begin. He wants our whole hearts now. For us to delight in the eternal, find joy only in Him, delight in the opportunity to continue working for His kingdom, and most importantly always direct our hearts towards him. He loves us so much that He wants all of us, a bridegroom that deeply wants his bride. May our hearts for Him beat as His does for us.

Psalm 63:1-3
"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."