From "The Valley of Vision"

God the All

O God whose will conquers all,

There is no comfort in anything apart from enjoying thee and being engaged in thy service;

Thou art all in all, and all enjoyments are what to me thou makest them, and no more.

I am well pleased with thy will, whatever it is, or should be in all respects,

And if thou bidst me decide for myself in any affair I would choose to refer all to thee, for thou art infinitely wise an cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing.

I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal, and it delights me to leave them there.

Then prayer turns wholly into praise, and all I can do is adore and bless thee.

What shall I give thee for all thy benefits? I am in a strait betwixt two, knowing not what to do;

I long to make some return, but have nothing to offer, and can only rejoice that thou doest all, that none in heaven or on earth shares thy honour;

I can of myself do nothing to glorify thy blessed name, but I can through grace cheerfully surrender body and soul to thee,

I know that thou art the author and finisher of faith, that the whole work of redemption is thine alone, that every good work or thought found in me is the effect of thy power and grace, that thy sole motive in working in me to will and to do is for thy good pleasure.

O God, it is amazing that men can talk so much about man's creaturely power and goodness, when, if thou didst not hold back every moment, we should be devils incarnate.

This, by bitter experience, thou hast taught me concerning myself.

A sobering prayer for this December morning. I am encouraged by His sovereignty, His forethought, His knowledge, and His care. His grace is overwhelming. Praise Him for these things. My heart longs to refer all to thee, leave all things to His disposal. Asking for the grace and heart to trust Him more.

It's been a long time, old friend.

And here we are, 7 months later. Drum roll please....


Carly is updating her blog! For all 7 of you who have decided to read my blog, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Between a busy schedule, a personal computer that decided to acquire a lovely virus, and an overall feeling that my life and/or personal thoughts have not held much that others could find interesting, I have unfortunately neglected my blog. Sorry, dear one. I have thought of you, thought of posts, but few have felt very noteworthy. Nevertheless, here goes....


First of all, can I just say that I cannot believe it is September! Before you know it, we will be traveling through 2010. Incredible. Amazing how time flies. I have been a Dallas resident for 2 years now (I think I actually moved here September 12, 2007), and what a home I have created. Though I continue to miss the aesthetic qualities found in Austin, the Lord has certainly provided a life, a community, a church, friends, and relationships that have made my time here nothing less than delightful. The most recent blessing he has provided is the addition of a Dallas campus to The Village Church! Go check it out: http://northway.thevillagechurch.net/

Yesterday was "hard launch" day for the Dallas campus, and what a joy it was! I know there was a little anxiety among the team that had been there all summer, acclimating the former Northway members to the Village. I have been able to witness what God has done among this small group of people, creating such a community and deep love among them. But yesterday was nothing less than an answer to prayer, a witness to His provision and faithfulness, and a deep thankfulness of the gift He has given us in the church. As I got out of my car (coffee in hand, of course), I heard a group of girls walking in front of me exclaim "we're finally here!" It was so neat.

As I sat in the sanctuary, dimmed by the rainy fall evening, I was overwhelmed. We sang a song last night that I have listened to for weeks, by the truth in the words struck a new chord in me last night, as if I was hearing them for the first time. As is customary for me, I have written them below.

The Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on his promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

All of my life, in every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

I highlighted my favorite section of the song, mostly because it was what hit me, convicted me, served as a much needed reminder. As I listened to the song on repeat this morning, I thought through the immense truths in it, truths that I have most recently forsaken. The seasoned believer knows (but may rarely live out, one might argue), the concept that God's character is not dependent upon my circumstances. He is unchanging. But what's more...the consistency in who He is, what He has done, creates a situation where there is never a time where we do not have a reason to sing, to be thankful, to worship Him and God, Creator, and Sustainer. In every season: singleness and marriage, school and work, loneliness and community, depth of affection for Him or dry spells, I have a reason to worship Him. He provides, He refines, He promises and delivers, He fills. In my own time recently of "figuring out life", I have struggled to find joy in the midst of struggle, sometimes despair, and oftentimes a feeling as though my time lacks purpose. But the season has been ordained, and through it all, He is still God. Weighty. Often assumed and overlooked. But weighty. Hope and pray to rest in that today.

So there's the blog. If nothing else, it's length should make up for at least 2 months of silence. Hope the 7 of you are doing well.

Old email, old friend...

I was cleaning out my Inbox today (obviously a busy day at work), when I came across the following quote from dear Lil' Kim (love how you keep coming up in my blog while many miles away). I have yet to read the book, or anything from the author for that matter, but I intend to.

"Our cup is often so full of pain that joy seems completely unreachable. When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. The sorrow overwhelms us, makes us throw ourselves on the ground, face down, and sweat drops of blood. Then we need to be reminded that our cup of sorrow is also our cup of joy and that one day we will be able to taste the joy as fully as we now taste the sorrow...Jesus' unconditional yes to this Father had empowered him to drink his cup not in passive resignation but with the full knowledge that the hour of his death would also be the hour of his glory...Joys are hidden in sorrows! We keep forgetting this truth and become overwhelmed by our own darkness. We easily lose sight of our joys and speak of our sorrows as the only reality there is. We need to remind each other... that precisely what causes us sadness can become the fertile ground for gladness... Because only when we fully realize that the cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy will we be able to drink it."

In Can You Drink the Cup? by Henri Nouwen

Where is our resolve??

resolve (def): to come to a definite or earnest decision about; (music) to progress from a dissonance to a consonance; firmness of purpose or intent

Over the past several weeks, I have been reading through Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions, and examining his fervor and passion as a means to then evaluate my own. It has caused me to even consider the idea of having "resolutions", an idea we minimize to New Years' attempts to lose weight, watch less tv, or finally quit eating so much ice cream (oh that it may NEVER be!). But looking at the definition of resolve, there is much more gravity placed on the idea of making a resolution. It implies (in my observation) that there is some deep desire, whole-hearted passion, fervor, and zeal for that thing we resolve to do. A desire to bring harmony, meaning to things (which is why I love the musical definition).

So here are a few (ok several) of his resolutions that I really resonated with. Go read them. Old guys always articulate things far better.

#6: Resolved to live with all my might, while I do live.
#8: Resolved to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others...
#22: Resolved to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness in the other world as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of or can bring myself to exert in any way that can be thought of.
#25: Resolved, to examine carefully and constantly, what that one thing in me is which causes me in the least to doubt the love of God--and to direct all my forces against it.
#28: Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly, and frequently, as that I may find and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
#43: Resolved, never henceforward, 'til I die, to act as if I were in any way my own, but entirely and altogether God's.
#48: Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul that I may know whether I have truly and interest in Christ or not, that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of.
#49: Resolved that this never shall be, if I can help it.
#53: (my current personal favorite) Resolved to improve every opportunity when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in Him, and consecrate myself wholly to Him--that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer.
#64: resolved, when I find those "groanings which cannot be uttered" (Romans 8:26) of which the Apostle speaks, and those "breakings of soul for the longing it hath" (Psalm 119:20) of which the Psalmist speaks, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness.


Even reading those few words reveals in me a significant lack of resolve, of deep, earnest, life-changing, whole-hearted, sacrificial determination to do everything in my might for the glory of Christ, for that singular purpose I claim my life to be for.

Resolved, to daily run, war, plead for the things that get me more of Jesus, and to fight earnestly against those that do not, all the while considering my brothers and sisters as greater than myself, and diligently fighting for them in the same vein.

Our problem is not too much passion, but far too little.

Jamie needs something to read in class...

So, it has been weeks, months really since I have given any kind of a post, so I figured I would provide a little "life update" on what has gone on the past month or so.

For Christmas, I was able to go home for a rather short amount of time. Strange thing is, going back to Sugar Land actually brings a little sadness....I love where I am right now, but become nostalgic when I go home. I miss that little suburban town.

I figured I would add this picture because it so rarely occurs. That's right, Ryan and Carly in a picture...together!! I guess it was easier since we didn't have to stand next to each other. Ryan and I had dinner with Dad when I flew into Houston, and Ryan and Dad exchanged Christmas presents after enjoying some of Dad's famous Christmas Eve chili. It really was a great night. Several months ago, my dad bought a townhouse, and it has been so cool to see how excited he gets when talking about it. He loves to send me picture text-messages when he gets new furniture or art-work. That man and picture-messaging.

The next morning Lil' Mo (Mom) and I had a few of the girls over for breakfast. So great to see you Hoyt, McMath, and Rubion!! I miss my girls more than I realize most days. We spent the rest of the day going to church, eating a wonderful pork tenderloin (cooked by mom!!! Can you believe it?? Of course she would improve the art of cooking AFTER Ryan and I are gone. Hot dogs...ugh), opening presents, and watching movies. Wish I could have had more time with mom, but it is what it is....

Christmas morning Dad and I caught a plane to Nashville! What a great little city. We spent the weekend hanging out with my Aunt Chris, her husband Bill, and my cousins Betsy and Brad. It was a lot of fun. I was born in Franklin, just south of Nashville, so Dad took me around showing me all the memories of homes we'd lived in, where he worked, the church I was baptized in. It was fun, but a little sad at the same time. Just hearing of a time when "mom and dad were together" makes any person a little sad, and it's easy to fall in the "what ifs" in those cases. But the Lord is sovereign over it all, and as much life changes, He doesn't.

Oh yea...let's not forget The Masked Avenger. My dad has always been a huge Superman/Batman/Superhero fanatic, so My Aunt Chris and Betsy always get him gifts along those themes. This year was the "How to Be a Superhero Tool Kit". Hilarious.

Time in Nashville was great, but there's nothing like an air mattress and 5 people to one bathroom to make you eager to get home. After missing flights, crying in airports, and the like, I was happy to be back in Dallas. NYE was fabulous. We got all dressed up and went to Starlight Gala, hosted by ACS!!! What a blast. Everyone knows how much I love to get dressed up, and it was so much fun hanging out with Cstar, Jenn, Brooke, and Melissa. Hopefully pictures will come soon.

So now it's back to the daily grind. Speaking of "grind", me and two lovely ladies have been seriously throwing around the idea of owning a coffee-shop. I'm not being my usual impulsive self with this one, but we're for-real for-real. Thoughts?? Our favorite little shop in Dallas is called Crooked Tree, and we frequently head out there claiming to be doing "market research". I am in the process of trying to become besties with the owners in order to catch a glimpse of their vision (I read and article D Magazine wrote about them, and I am pretty sure their heart in opening Crooked Tree is the same as our hearts in owning a coffee shop). Working on the business plan until the market turns around :)

Next time I'll try to do more of my "insightful rants". For now, the practical update will suffice. May the Lord bless you and keep you. Hope you had time to rest in Him this holiday season, and experience the joy of the Incarnate God, Emmanuel. Love love.

CSL

"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory


Last night, after leaving an amazing night at club where I grumbled slightly at the facts that (a) God had not created me to be a rock star, though my heart deeply wishes I could belt one out like the Martinas, the Sarahs, the Whitneys and the Celines, and (b) along with point a, that life is not a musical, and Troy Bolton will not be showing up in a tux in a tree to give me flowers and tell me that "his prom is wherever I am", I proceeded, in the torrential rain, to the nearest Barnes and Noble, only to get soaked as I attempted to get my umbrella from the trunk of my car and enter the fine literary establishment whose fire alarm was going off at deafening decibels.

However, any moderate reader would know that once inside, an endless array of opportunity awaits. So I picked up my own copy of The Weight of Glory, as well as a brand new journal (which I have found is one of the most therapeutic times I enjoy once every few months), and made my way back home.

What a glorious night. Sitting in my bed, rain on my window, starting a new book from a noteworthy author that I was sure would not disappoint. Chapter 1, line 1: "If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues...". Bam. Thank you CSL. You rock.

I am far too easily pleased, and therefore in the same vein, far too easily disappointed. I, like the child, fool around with mud pies in the slums, forsaking the incredible vacation offered. And yet when I realize that I am dirty and my hands smell, I am disappointed that the mud had not been all that I had hoped. My desires are far too weak, running after money, success, relationship, recognition, and discarding the infinite joy, the ultimate pleasure, the complete righteousness and glory offered at His right hand.

Page 1. Awesome. Can't wait to see what pages 2-200 have yet to offer.

And ps...I love the term "holiday". When we were in Cancun in September, we met a few guys from London who stated they were in Mexico for a few weeks "on holiday". I have decided that vacation will be removed and holiday inserted into my natural, and perhaps daily, vocabulary. Just sounds so much cooler. Now here's to hoping that this fine institution that continues to employ me (thankful to have a job!) could find it in their hearts to grant me a holiday sometime soon!

Love y'all :)

Life

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. "

1Timothy 6:6-19

On Friday mornings I get the priviledge of hanging out with some of my favorite girls as we pull ourselves out of our warm beds and peaceful sleep and love on those we are called to love by serving breakfast at The Bridge. This morning in particular, Lauren, Jenn, and I were in the back: banana, nutrigrain bar, yogurt. Banana, nutrigrain bar, yogurt, and the occasional clumsy spill (ok, ok, not occasional. Jenn and I were incredibly klutzy this morning). As we were chatting while we worked, we suddenly heard one of the most strikingly powerful voices we had ever heard. One of the men had gotten on the microphone and began singing "How Great Thou Art". I think Jenn's words describe it far more accurately than I can...

"this morning when that man started singing, what was cold in my stomach and on my insides began to fill with warmth as he hit every note. it was one of the most beautiful sounds i have ever heard. it might not be because he was the best singer around, but you felt his heart in it, his desperation, and the words he was singing, you could tell that he believed them and needed them."

I followed that beautiful statement with a question to Jenn and Lauren that I knew was rhetorical for all of us:

Have you girls ever felt, especially when we go there, slightly envious of some of these people, in their incredible hunger, desperation, dependence on the Lord? I feel that way almost every time we leave, and ABSOLUTELY...hearing it in that man's voice this morning made it even more present. The toys and trinkets and things of this world draw my heart away from Him, and make the ability to have an insatiable hunger for the Lord seem nearly impossible. How crazy is this life, that this flesh of ours fights Him every moment He attempts to humble us and do a good work in us, yet His Spirit inside absolutely tugs on my heart for this kind of humility and passion.

Be reminded of who He is, the blessed and only Ruler, King of kings and Lord of lords...in whom life that is TRULY life.

So thankful for the women in my life. SO thankful :)