What a Culture

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/26/o.divorce.dreams/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

Probably one of the most disturbing opinion articles I have ever read, and I guess it should come as no surprise that it came from Oprah (or should it? She is a spiritual woman, after all...)

For those of you who don't have the time, energy, or interest to read the whole thing, here is a general recap:

"I contemplate divorce every day. It tugs on my sleeve each morning when my husband, Will, greets me in his chipper, smug morning-person voice, because after 16 years of waking up together, he still hasn't quite pieced out that I'm not viable before 10 a.m."

"Mind you, when I say Mid-Wife Crisis, I mean the middle-of-married-life kind, not the kind where you go to Yale to learn how to legally brandish a birthing stool. As one girlfriend remarked, it's the age of rage -- a period of high irritation that lasts roughly one to two decades. As a colleague e-mailed me, it's the simmering underbelly of resentment, the 600-pound mosquito in the room. At a juncture where we thought we should have unearthed some modicum of certainty, we are turning into the Clash. If I go will there be trouble? If I stay will it be double? Should I stay or should I go?"

one of my favorites...
"We were groomed to think bigger and better -- achievement was our birthright -- so it's small surprise that our marriages are more freighted. Marriage and its cruel cohort, fidelity, are a lot to expect from anyone, much less from swift-flying us. Would we agree to wear the same eyeshadow or eat in the same restaurant every day for a lifetime? Nay, cry the villagers, the echo answers nay. We believe in our superhood. We count on it."

"Because it isn't a shame. Divorce is no longer the shame that spits stain upon womanly merit. Conventional wisdom decrees that marriage takes work, but it doesn't take work, it is work. It's a job -- intermittently fulfilling and annoying, with not enough vacation days. Divorce is a job too (with even fewer vacation days). It's a matter of weighing your options.
A friend once compared the prospect of leaving her husband to leaving her child's private school: The school wasn't entirely to her liking, but her daughter was happy there; it wasn't what she'd expected, but applying to other schools involved a lot of costly, complicated paperwork and the nagging uncertainty of whether another school would accept her and/or really be that much better."

and finally...
"Because in the end, that's basically what it's all about: getting your order right. Our day comes down to choices -- and it's finally dawning on the long-term wives of the world that divorce may be the last-standing woman's right to choose. We can admit that our marriages aren't lambent, lyrical ice-dancing routines and still decide to push on together to the final flying sit spin. We also realize that divorce is an alternative that's fully within reach, be it now or later or never. The more readily we acknowledge the solid utility of marriage (as one friend's husband put it, "I'm essentially a checkbook and a sperm bank -- but I'm okay with that!"), the more ably we can splinter the box of marital fantasy that makes us feel stuck, trapped, obliged. One eloquent swing of the ax and happiness is thrust firmly back into our own hands."


The funny thing is, my first thought at the end of the article was "so what are you going to do the day your daughter starts dating? what would I do if you were my mom?" What a conversation that would be, telling her about your first crush. Odd thing to contemplate I know, but it just made me a little sad. The little girl (or, as I have found in my experience, the still young woman) fantasy of being swept off your feet and romantically in love until the end of life, albeit a fantasy, still says something about the hearts of women, and perhaps even the hearts of men. So though we may exist in this messed up, disappointing, often time frustrating world, this concept has still remained strong, regardless of how twisted and perverted it may become.

What this article say is "It's all about me. My time, my life, my pleasure." It's not about me...it's not about you. Hopefully we are not breeding a generation of like-minded individuals. As a child of divorce and brokenness, I still have a hope and a belief in companionship, and a much greater understanding than the woman with the pen on Life. I can't wait for the day when His voice is heard above all others. Until then, we press on...

Put on your big girl shoes and get it done!

Ken Downing has to be one of my new favorite people. Ken Downing is Neiman Marcus' Senior Vice President and Fashion Directore, and he is fa-bu-lous!

Every season he gives a little recap about what is going on across the world on the runways, tells us what is "haute", and more importantly what that NM girl will love!

BERRY! SATIN! LACE! FLORALS! SLEEK AND SEXY DRESSES! DOUBLE CUFFS! (pay attention ladies...I am trying to put you ahead of the curve!)

So the title of my post comes from my favorite line of the whole presentation. He was getting into the shoes we are seeing on the runway (watch out! the booties are back with a new flare....peep toe!) and after showing a shoe similar to the one by Dior shown above (I think the actual one was a Bottega Veneta) He exclaimed "this shoe just screams put on your big girl shoes and get it done!" (Imagine what his voice is like...not mine)

Sometimes my job is tough...but at moments like that, I absolutely love my job.

Finding the Father in His Creation

This week in the lovely world of Neiman Marcus, we have our annual get-together called "Conclave". It is a fun-filled week, among other things, filled with training, teaching, goal setting, and above all, free merchandise. This afternoon we had several girls from HR present (which just as an aside, I have decided that I was made for HR, which if you are someone who knows me well, you will know that I am only slightly impulsive, so this decision could suddenly and passionately change at any moment, but for now, this is it!) on different ideas and topics as they pertain to leadership.

One of the little anecdotes they used, and I believe is probably widely used in teachings on motivation, is that of geese. I believe that the Lord is in all things, and more specifically He is in His Creation, and desires to reveal Himself and how He sees things through it. So in this very secularly focused lesson on leadership, I felt as though I learned a little lesson from the Lord, particularly in reference to the idea of living in community. Some may think I am stretching a little, and perhaps I am, but I thank the Him for taking a so humble a creature as a goose to remind me of Himself today. Perhaps you can be encouraged as well....

Sense of a Goose

When you see geese flying along in "V" formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way:

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in "V" formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone, and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those people who are headed the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point.

It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs, whether with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

What messages do we give when we honk from behind?

Finally ... and this is important ... when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

--Author Unknown